The Cat Who Could Explode Things With Its Mind

Once there was a cat who could explode things with its mind. Not by, like, running into them with its head, but like, just by thinking about it. Everyone assumed this was because a wizard had put a spell on it, and let me tell you, that was a fucking good guess. 

Although, it wasn’t like 100% totally accurate. Really, the wizard had cast the spell on his dog. Dogs only have one magical power, and that’s to transfer any magic spell cast on them to another animal (it doesn’t come up a lot). If you’re wondering why a dog would transfer such an awesome-sounding spell to a cat, it’s because the dog got a really Monkey’s-Paw-type feeling about it. Dogs have a sixth sense about that kind of thing. In fact, that story was originally about a dog’s paw, but the dog saw a passing monkey, moved the spell over to it, and thought, “Gooooooood luck fella.”

Anyway, in a situation that happens about half the time, the wizard forgot about the spell and moved on to other things. I’m sure you’ll be totally shocked to hear that the cat got out and started blowing things up left and right. It started with things like mice and birds, you know, so it could eat their guts and stuff, and then moved on to houses and people. 

The king tried sending some knights after it, but I’ll let you guess what happened to them. Then, he tried getting some wizards to take care of it, since the cat was clearly magical, but everyone was either busy that day or just didn’t feel like it. 

Finally, the king made one of his pages go out into the forest and put a big mirror behind a bush. Then the page left a trail of fish guts leading to it. Soon the cat came along and followed the trail straight into the bush. When it saw its reflection in the mirror, it started hissing and spitting and doing that cool thing where its back gets all archy. 

“Blow up, you dumb idiot cat!” it thought with its mind power.

Sure enough, it blew itself up and rained down cat parts all over the bush and the page who was still standing around for some stupid reason. It’s like, hey dude, maybe don’t stand around near a cat who keeps blowing things up. In the best case scenario, you’re going to get cat guts on your clothes.

Anyway, sorry if you like cats a lot, but what were you hoping would happen? That the cat would just keep blowing things up forever? Grow up.

The moral is that dogs are cool.