Sad Cakes was a clown who desperately wanted to be a wizard. I know, it’s like duh, we all want that, but Sad Cakes wanted it most of all. His mom clown told him, “Sad Cakes, being a clown is also a proud and noble tradition. If you can bring a smile to the face of a child, isn’t that magical in its own way?”
But Sad Cakes didn’t want to be magical in that way. He wanted to be magical in the way where you could levitate and make things be on fire. He decided that the best thing he could do was go to the library and check out some spell books to see what he could learn. The librarian told him that the spell books were all kept in the restricted section and that he couldn’t check one out without his parent’s permission. He knew what his mom would say about that, so he just said, “Forget it,” and sadly went to this 7-year-old’s birthday party where he was supposed to do clown stuff instead.
He arrived at the birthday party and started squirting water out of his flower and tying balloon animals and junk, but the kids could tell his heart wasn’t in it. They even booed him, which is a really mean thing to do to a clown but happens more often than you might think. Sad Cakes was about to announce that face painting would start in five minutes when he noticed a wizard standing in the back with the other moms and dads. She was eating ice cream off a paper plate and looking bored. “If I can impress this wizard, maybe she’ll teach me my first spell, and then I’ll be on my way to transmogrifying and summoning demons,” he thought.
“But before we start face painting time, allow me to show you how I can pick up a dime with my teeth whilst standing on my hands!” he shouted.
Sad Cakes dropped a dime on the floor then flipped over onto his hands. Before he could get his teeth around it though, this little brat named Tyler kicked him in the butt so he fell over and kicked the punch bowl off the table. When he looked up, he was covered in punch and there was an orange slice over his eye so it looked like he had one big orange eye. All the kids laughed and laughed while their parents tried to calm them down. Finally, they all went into the kitchen to have cake and watch Jaden open his presents. That’s when the wizard walked over and sat down next to Sad Cakes.
“That Tyler kid is a jerk,” said the wizard. “You should definitely get revenge on him.”
“I wish I could,” moaned Sad Cakes, “but I don’t know how without getting fired.”
“Do you want me to teach you a spell that will make him pee his pants?” asked the wizard. Sad Cakes told her he did want that. He wanted that more than anything in the whole wide world.
When all the kids came back, the Tyler kid said, “Hey Mr. Clown, will you draw a picture of a clown falling down on his butt on my face?” All the kids laughed again, but Sad Cakes played it cool.
“Sure thing,” he said. “Clowns are supposed to be funny and fall on their butts after all. I’m just glad my butt isn’t all wet like yours.”
That’s when he cast the spell. Only the wizard forgot to tell him that powerful emotions can make your spell even stronger. The kid not only peed himself but also let out a loud farting sound and pooped his pants. It smelled so bad that Jaden’s mom told everyone they had to move the party outside. Tyler had to stay inside though while his dad washed his underpants out in the sink.
When he finally got outside, he saw that the face painting was already over. Every single kid had gotten a picture of Tyler crying with smell lines coming from his pants, well, except this one boy who always wanted to look like a tiger.
Later when Sad Cakes became a famous wizard, he still used the PoopYourPants spell all the time. Turns out even goblins find it very disconcerting.
Stories About Wizards 