The Wizard With a Frog in His Butt

You probably think that wizard orgies are just a bunch of wizards putting their wands in each other and making cum appear everywhere, and you are right. That is basically 90% of what happens. Also, there is usually a buffet afterward because the non-stop fucking makes everyone so hungry. This is the origin of the well-known wizard-saying, “Fairy dust in your pouch, cum in your beard, and free shrimp in your belly. That is the recipe for a happy life.” 

But not all wizards feel that way. There was this one guy named Tromantus who really only wanted one thing, and that was to have a frog in his butt. Whenever he went to the wizard orgies, he was always happy to pee on someone’s boobs or kick their balls or whatever they wanted, but when he asked if they would mind making a frog appear in his anus they all passed. “It’s not that it’s a hard spell,” explained this wizard named Glendora, during an especially moist party.  “It’s just that it’s not really my thing you know? No offense intended. But if you want I’d love for you to slowly work that unicorn horn into my vagina.”

“No problem,” sighed Tromantus, as he lubed up the horn. He knew the number one rule of an orgy was to be chill about shit. 

After a nice post-scene cuddle session with Glendora, Tromantus decided to take a walk through The Swamp of Despair. It was his favorite place to go when he had a lot on his mind. The swamp was extra despair-y that night. The soft glow of malevolent spirits and the wail of tormented souls always put him in a meditative mood. 

As he walked through the soft green mud, and the crunchy skeletal remains, he couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for himself. “I suppose I’m just destined to be alone,” he said as he started up at the moon.

“You and me both pal.” said a smooth baritone voice from near his feet. Tromantus looked down to see a cute green frog sitting on a partially caved in skull. 

“Oh hey there,” said Tromantus, who as a wizard was used to talking amphibians and reptiles, “What makes you so lonely?”

“Well,” explained the frog, “I used to be a handsome prince. All the other princes would come from all over the kingdom just to touch my balls and have me play with their penis. It was a pretty awesome life if I’m being honest with you. The only problem was my dad was a total homophobic jerk-wad. When he found out about our all night bang-a-thons (and one time an all knight bang-a-thon), he hired an evil wizard to turn me into a frog. It totally sucks!”

“Yeah I can see how that would be hard, having to be so green and smooth all the time.” said Tromantus trying not to blush.

“Oh I don’t really mind that part so much,” answered the frog. “Actually, hopping around and being able to hold my breath for hours underwater is pretty dope. Plus look how long my tongue is now.” So saying the frog shot its tongue out of its mouth and caught a nearby pixie, which it swallowed whole. 

“That’s, um, very impressive.” said Tromantus, trying hard to conceal his semi-boner beneath his wizardly robes. 

“If you want to know,” continued the frog, “The part I really miss is being inside another man’s warm butthole. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried it, but it’s pretty much the best thing ever.”

Tromantus swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to think of something to say, his boner no longer a semi. Finally, he worked up the courage and blurted out “Well you could always be in my butt… I mean… if you wanted to that is.”

“Oh, well,” said the frog “no offense, but you’re not really my type.”

“Oh,” said Tromantus “That’s cool. I understand.”

“JUST KIDDING!” yelled the frog “You’re very handsome and it would be a total honor to be inside of your butthole!”

“Really?!” said Tromantus, almost crying.

“Really.” said the frog.

The wizard and the frog spent the rest of the evening making sweet love to each other, then they spend the next morning making dirty disgusting hot love to each other, then they switched back again. 

Finally, after three solid days of sweet/dirty lovemaking they laid back against the moss covered remains of a dead ogre and took a break. 

“Hey,” said Tromantus, suddenly sitting up, “I kissed you a bunch. Does that mean you’re going to turn back into a prince?”

“No no.” said the frog, “You have to be a princess for that to work. That’s how homophobic my stupid dad is.”

“Oh good,” said the wizard, “I like you just the way you are.”

“Right back atcha friend,” said the frog “Right. Back. Atcha.”

2 thoughts on “The Wizard With a Frog in His Butt

  1. This is pure magic.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This was the first piece of yours I read–with that title, can ya blame me???–and I literally laughed out loud. Then I logged in to follow you and get notifications. This slayed me AND made me go “Awwww!”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close